SHONDA TALE

Today wasn't a good day. I spent most of the morning and afternoon crying. I reached out to some but I still felt like shit. I visit someone but I wasn't welcomed. I have always felt like I didn't really have genuine people in my life and today I was right. I'm not mad about it I'm just a little sadden. Everybody needs somebody sometimes in there life, I guess a wore a mask for such a long time that people don't know how to take me crying and reaching out. I must say I don't know how to interpret myself for that matter. My friend well I thought was a friend wants me to leave her alone and I would like for that to happen but then I will truly be alone. I will do as she asked because I will not become a bother to anyone who don't want me around. I have always been a strong individual with strong views and ever stronger opinions. I guess I lost my way in the last 2+ years and never really found my way back. I have allowed my current situations to define who I am. I have not practice what I preached and now I'm left to pick myself up and as REV RUN said "MOVE AROUND". Time is ticking and I am at a standstill. I have allowed so many opportunities to past me by. I have used fear and the lack of money as a crunch for so long that I have almost giving up on my dreams. I see it and I want it I just don't see how to obtain what I want. I would love to have people supporting me in my quest but I may have to take this journey alone. I understand what I want but my mind is conflicted. I have many wants but I cannot decipher from wants and needs. I have always put needs before wants. But what happens when your wants are just important as your needs. I want to go back to school, I want to get a Bachelor Degree in Business Administration with concentration in Accounting, I want to own my business and I want to have a safety net. Am I wrong to put some of my wants into play? when I don't know how I'm going to pay my bills now. I am DEPRESS with life and my future. I will not allow it to consume me anymore. I want more for myself and I will achieve it even if it KILLS ME.