THE UNKNOWN

Something is weighing heavy on my mind and my heart
I am drained... yes that's what I will state today, tomorrow and yesterday
I want to remember the last time I was truly happy with myself and my choices
I want to breath again... I would like to stop crying and worrying
I have giving so much to my inabilities and not enough to my abilities
I have literally laid down and allowed time to past me by
I forgot how to live... I can't remember the last time I laughed
I became the product of my circumstances and my fears
I allowed myself to become weakened by obstacles
I feel like such a failure...
Looking back over the last 2-years I realize that I'm fighting a battle that has stopped my growth. I could have been almost done with my schooling and possibly had things ready for starting my own business.

2009 was hard for me I've thought about ending my life 3 times this year because I wanted out, I didn't want to hurt, I didn't want to feel the pain of a broken heart and I am physically tired and mentally drained... BUT I AM NOT A COWARD and that's exactly what I was chosen THE COWARDS WAY OUT.
FEAR what an ugly word... I can only blame myself this time... I did it and I'm still doing it. I thought once my finance get right I would be better, so untrue. I have been without an income for over 1-year and GOD has shown me that I am a survivor... and everything is possible when HE'S in control. I know I need money for basic living needs but money isn't my salvation. It's hard to look at yourself and be confident when you don't know how to function without the one thing that helps you feel safe and loved. I'm scared because I don't know the unknown. I do know HE has brought me through some serious stuff and HE has not let me fall.
I am not who I want to be but I am becoming who I should be
Learning about yourself is a wonderful experience
My purpose is still unclear but the journey I'm taking is worth it all
I dreams the brightest dreams
My goals are obtainable
My life is what I make of it