Percentage

Women Independence Day

Hello world as of 12:50 am 09/19/2009 I realized that I am a PHENOMENON WOMEN

for the last two weeks I've been fight a battle within myself and for others. I can preach and give the most powerful advice however I for the life of me cannot take my own advice. In my life I have had trails and tribulation but never in my 34- years have I experience the things my friends are enduring. I have a friend that just found out her husband has a drug addiction, I have another friend that moved away from her kids to accommodate a man that wouldn't acknowledge her as his mate, disrespected her in every way imaginable and cheats like it's acceptable. Then my other friends married a man that's not affectionate nor loving, has cheated before and is unhappy. I look at myself and say I am fortunate to never have had to endure the things they are experiencing. I've been cheated on and mental as well as physically abused but truthful the abuse was mutual. I have loved many but loving self goes much further.



Today is my Women Independence Day I realize in life obstacle will always arise, what we do is of importance. First and foremost remembering that we are WOMAN and carrying our self as one is critical. I know we as women love hard but losing yourself in loving someone isn't healthy. I have pleaded myself to exhaustion and for what LOVE, HAPPINESS, COMPANIONSHIP... In knowing others you see yourself clearly I have degraded and devalued myself for someone who clearly isn't worthy. Moreover I lessen my worth because I lost sight of the Women inside of me. If you have to buy, pleaded or convince another to love you, to be with you, to remember what was lost... then move on. I loved and my soul is aching but today I made the decision to be brave. My lost is an unfortunate one but it's one that is necessary. I wont degrade or devalue myself again. Independence mean freedom of the mind, spirit, body and heart. Changing the things you're able to and accepting what you cannot is the second lesson toward a healthy existence.


Today is my independence day because I wont allow my selfishness to overpower my common sense. I wont try to convince another to come home, love me, respect me, protect me or want me when they don't. I won't become less then what I am a PHENOMENON WOMEN and the worth is priceless. I say to you don't respond, don't react, don't think about me, don't do NOTHING just do you because that's what important SELF.

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I want to cry but I'm just to tired
I want to yell but my voice is weak
I want to be free but my mind is to full
I want you but that's just impossible

Today was a fair day. No Crying, No Cussing and No Fussing
Today was a good day I'm still standing

I'm still trying to push through and I will ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!
Keep going that's all I got...

WELL WELL WELL

I survive yesterday and today is definitely a better day. I woke up and who could ask for anything more. I am truly blessed. I have my basic needs met I am blessed with the ability to make CHOICES good or bad. Today is my independence day I will not feel sad because of the things I don't have. I will be grateful for the things that I do have and all the things I have not received yet. I am not ready to give up on myself. I am my biggest supporter. I will LIVE for GOD and myself, I will LOVE and I am GROWING. What a difference a day makes???

SHONDA TALE

Today wasn't a good day. I spent most of the morning and afternoon crying. I reached out to some but I still felt like shit. I visit someone but I wasn't welcomed. I have always felt like I didn't really have genuine people in my life and today I was right. I'm not mad about it I'm just a little sadden. Everybody needs somebody sometimes in there life, I guess a wore a mask for such a long time that people don't know how to take me crying and reaching out. I must say I don't know how to interpret myself for that matter. My friend well I thought was a friend wants me to leave her alone and I would like for that to happen but then I will truly be alone. I will do as she asked because I will not become a bother to anyone who don't want me around. I have always been a strong individual with strong views and ever stronger opinions. I guess I lost my way in the last 2+ years and never really found my way back. I have allowed my current situations to define who I am. I have not practice what I preached and now I'm left to pick myself up and as REV RUN said "MOVE AROUND". Time is ticking and I am at a standstill. I have allowed so many opportunities to past me by. I have used fear and the lack of money as a crunch for so long that I have almost giving up on my dreams. I see it and I want it I just don't see how to obtain what I want. I would love to have people supporting me in my quest but I may have to take this journey alone. I understand what I want but my mind is conflicted. I have many wants but I cannot decipher from wants and needs. I have always put needs before wants. But what happens when your wants are just important as your needs. I want to go back to school, I want to get a Bachelor Degree in Business Administration with concentration in Accounting, I want to own my business and I want to have a safety net. Am I wrong to put some of my wants into play? when I don't know how I'm going to pay my bills now. I am DEPRESS with life and my future. I will not allow it to consume me anymore. I want more for myself and I will achieve it even if it KILLS ME.

My pledge

My pledge
I pledge to love self unconditionally
I pledge to stop feeling sorry for myself
I pledge to not sweat the small stuff
I pledge to let the past go
I pledge to have an open-mind about new adventures
I pledge to do TRY everything until I find what feel right to me
I pledge to stop complaining and to start doing
I pledge to get back to the basic
I pledge to learn for my mistakes
I pledge to keep it simple

I pledge on 09/12/2009 to rediscover true joy and true happiness , start applying myself more and enroll in business school.

DEAR YOU AND I

Whoever said "Time heal all wounds" knew they shit.
It was a long and painful road but it was one that I needed to grow.
But I find myself holding on to someone that I had let go of a long time ago.
I understand now that it was habit. I for the life of me cannot understand why it took so long to let go completely. I have No love left to give but I must say I do care and caring is all I have. I don't understand in an instant my feelings changed and what I felt months earlier isn't the same now. I took emotions out of this situation and for the first time I saw. The truth is it was always there but I was blinded by what I thought was love. I don't doubt what I had was love but I question what type? I have been waiting and waiting for something that's just not apart of that person character. I wanted someone who is on a road parallel to mines; knowing we can never walk the same path, but finding a commonality in direction and purpose. I have been longing for someone with a concrete understanding of self. Someone who cannot be changed as easily as the wind changes courses. And above all else, An Honest person, Honest with me and Honest with themselves. I acknowledge my limitations and rejoice that I am able to change things that I can and except the things I cannot. I'm stronger than ever and wiser beyond my years. I love hard and I fight deligently. I said it before I can never LIVE, LOVE and GROW for us. I loved enough to try, I cared enough to work things out, I know enough to walk away. Although it may seem easy its harder than it looks. I'm conflicted and I'm confused but Enough is Enough and It is exactly what it should be.

TODAY

Today is here and all my anxiety are raging. I must be my own advocate taking my life into my own hands. Today I go and get some needed answer from a person I really don't trust. I must remain meek, kind and respectable. Today I go and make people accountable. I am scared but ready to finally see what's what. Today I go. Today I go. Today I go.

Okay my day is finally starting slowly
I still feel like crap but I must be productive
It's hard to focus when your mind lead you to different places
I am unsure what today holds but I am grateful to be present
Although my mind is cloudy and my body is weary I am blessed
I work on my plans for tomorrow and the unknown leaves me scared
I wonder what it would be like to just be carefree
If I didn't have one care what would my life consist of?
I am so tired and weary that my eyes can't focus but today is almost gone and I still haven't found all that's needed
I am not a quitter so I keep searching until I get the information I desire.

Thank you

Well world I returned from another mini vacation 3-days ago feeling refreshed and mind clearer then ever. I understand that what is meant to be will be.
What I hold as secrete really isn't.
I have held on to many things for selfish reason and I must let go.
Pursuing my life dreams are #1 priority.
Living my life to the fullest is high priority
Finding true happiness is top priority
I want to learn and be a force to reckon with
I want to amaze myself and other
I want to be independent again
My mini vacation has en-lighten me
I see what I couldn't see, I feel what I was to scared to feel and I know what I've known for sometime

Thank you in advance for setting my mind free

BLINDED BY LOVE

Blinded by love
What is love? Why love? When to love? Who to love? How to love?
I loved some and lost many,
I still don't completely know what it is but
I know love never hurts
Love is suppose to keep evolving into something undescribable.
Love isn't something for that moment its forever
I thought love was all you needed... I was wrong

Blinded by love
Love isn't like a fairy tale there's no happy ending
I've love and the ending is still the same

Yes it true... it better to have love then to never loved at all
Sometime I wonder what wrong with me and my inability to find unconditional love.

Blinded by love and all it components
Blinded by the truth
Blinded with what once was

Aware of... The END